


Wait

by Nezushit (PontaSensei)



Category: No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: I'm not sure how best to tag this so let me know if anything should be added, Implied Sexual Content, It's not really angsty, M/M, Mentions of Underage Sex, Sex Work, but Nezumi has some hangups, but Nezumi thinks about sex in the most non graphic way, but not really, implied at least - Freeform, nothing actually ends up happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:39:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PontaSensei/pseuds/Nezushit
Summary: "Nezumi had learned very young that sex was a tool. A tool that his looks allowed him to wield like a knife... Sex had gotten him things that he needed to keep on surviving. He had never seen it as an activity of leisure, only of necessity...But Shion is Shion. Someone that Nezumi loves, who supposedly loved him too. This is what is meant to happen..."Nezumi thinks about his complex feelings about sex at inopportune times. Shion won't let matters lie..





	Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Don't expect much from this it's got no direction and is mostly just ramblings. I'm just trying to gather all my little word dumps somewhere. I haven't written anything in a year so....

When Shion’s lips are on his neck, kissing and toying with the pliable skin there between his teeth, Nezumi is struck rather unpleasantly with a sense of familiarity. 

Nezumi has had sex before, that’s no secret between the two of them. Though he’s never bothered to divulge the details of his past encounters Shion has never seemed to care. Just the same Nezumi knows that Shion has no practical experience beyond what he’s read in books and despite Shion’s insistence that he knows what he’s doing, books are a poor substitute for hands-on experience.

Which explains the clumsy actions, fumbling hands on his sides and the wet trail of saliva left on his neck. Nezumi would do a much better job, had he been asked to take the lead, but Shion had been almost distressingly insistent on having things this way. Probably in some noble attempt to flatter Nezumi with his ministrations. The effort is lost on Nezumi. A shame, really, because though sloppy and lacking in a certain underlying confidence in his own actions, Shion isn’t doing so horribly for a first attempt. 

Nezumi does his best to at least feign some sort of appropriate response to Shion’s touch, partly out of habit and partly out of sympathy. It would be cruel to crush his confidence. It’s not exactly an act. His body does respond in the way which is natural and he does feel the sensations all the same. It’s more an exaggeration of interest. In fact, this whole thing could be called an exaggeration of interest on Nezumi’s part since, as a whole, he’s not particularly interested in sex.

In the past, Nezumi had slept with a number of people. Nearly none he could recall the faces of and even less their names. It wasn’t prostitution. Nezumi had never gone out with the intention of selling himself but he had learned very young that sex was a tool. A tool that his looks allowed him to wield like a knife. On nights when he would otherwise be fending off the cold on the streets of west block, it had allowed him a warm bed and a warmer body for at least a few hours. On days when good food was scarce, seducing the right person could guarantee him a good meal with vegetables free of rot and bread without mold creeping on the edges. Sex had gotten him things that he needed to keep on surviving. He had never seen it as an activity of leisure, only of necessity.

Maybe his disinterest stemmed from the fact that he’d had experience before he’d had the chance to develop the curiosity about sex that most teens naturally developed. 

Shion’s hand shifted on his hips, his thumb taking the extra moment to feel out the definition of the bone beneath it brings Nezumi back into the moment. Shion was talking, whispering praises to him, Nezumi supposed. He paid attention just long enough to hear a hushed ‘you’re beautiful’ before he tuned it all out again.

Nezumi had heard all sorts of things before and during sex. Some praises, ‘you’re beautiful’ ‘you feel amazing’ ‘you’re so good at that’. And some rather disgusting. Things he’s sure those people would be ashamed to say in the light of day. Nevertheless, it rarely matters. The only time he really needs to listen to them is if they're asking if they can do something to him or vice versa. Even then there were frequent occasions when that formality was thrown to the wind as well. 

And then Shion is kissing him with too much tongue but not entirely unpleasantly. Nezumi allows himself to take this moment and enjoy it a bit. 

Of course, there are pleasures in the act if it’s done right. Nezumi almost laughs against Shion’s lips when he finds himself wondering if Shion’s book knowledge will be enough to make this feel good. Who knows, after all, he had been with much more experienced people who still had no idea how to pleasure someone. It was entirely possible that those people could benefit from some reading material. 

It usually came down to how much they cared about getting the other guy off and if Shion had one thing going for him it was that he tended to care about stupid shit like that. 

Not that Nezumi tended to put much thought into his own pleasure in times like this. It was much more beneficial to figure out how to give his partner what they wanted with the smallest amount of discomfort for himself. That’s why, though his inclination was more exclusively leaned towards men, he’d always take a woman if he had the choice. It was all a matter of risk vs reward. There was less risk with a woman. He may not be interested in them, but there was little detriment other than boredom. Men, on the other hand, even the handsome ones, were too much hassle. They tended to be more aggressive and demanding. He could please them all the same as he could a woman but he was more likely to come out of it feeling bruised and drained from dealing with the over-inflated male ego. unless the reward was high, it was rarely worth the extra trouble.

With Shion, it wasn’t quite the same. The risk, he’s sure, is incredibly small and there is no tangible reward. He’s only doing what’s the natural next step. What Shion must expect. Nezumi wouldn’t usually do something just to give someone what they wanted, but Shion is Shion. Someone that Nezumi loves, who supposedly loved him too. This is what is meant to happen.

Then suddenly, Shion’s lips are gone from Nezumi’s and Shion’s body, which had been hovering over his and radiating heat, has dropped to lay over him. His arms move to embrace Nezumi in a way far less than sensual. Nezumi blinks and as Shion buries his face in the crook of his neck still left damp from the kisses left there, he mumbles against his skin.

“Nezumi?”

There’s an extended silence and Nezumi feels strangely tense in a way only Shion can make him feel. “Yes, Shion?”

“Where are you?”

That’s a baffling question. Nezumi looked slowly down and over the both of them the best he could while being smothered into the mattress. Mostly he can only see tufts of white hair, glowing an artificial orange under the lights and bare, pale shoulders.

“Currently? Crushed under your half-naked body.” Nezumi replied dryly.

Nezumi could feel Shion shake his head and see the hair at the crown of his head shift. Then he was propping himself up on his elbows so that his face would hover above Nezumi’s, noses nearly touching. Shion was frowning and something twisted unpleasantly in Nezumi’s stomach. 

“No, your mind,” Shion explained. “Your thoughts are somewhere else.”

“I was fantasizing about another man.” Nezumi teased. It wouldn’t work, he knew it wouldn’t.

Shion didn’t seem amused, only concerned and then serious. a natural progression. “You know, Nezumi, I’m not interested in nonconsensual sex.”

This, admittedly, threw Nezumi a bit. “I would hope not.” He said, matching Shion’s firm tone. 

“We should stop, then.”

“Shion, I don’t know what you’ve gotten into that head of yours but I assure you that if I were not consenting you would not be breathing.” Nezumi narrowed his eyes.

“I’m serious.” Shion protested with a creeping vehemence in his voice. “There are different forms of consent. Consent is meaningless if it’s achieved through pressuring or a sense of obligation inflicted on either party.”

Nezumi was rapidly developing a headache. 

“What,” He groaned out, punctuating his displeasure in a growled out pause, “Are you talking about?”

“You’re clearly aren’t enjoying this. If I made you feel in any way like you had to do this then I’m sorry.” Shion’s expression softened again. Nezumi almost wished the aggression had stayed for some reason. “If you aren’t ready then we can wait.”

“I’m not a virgin like you, Shion.”

“That has nothing to do with whether or not you’re ready.” Shion looked even more troubled by the attempt at reassurance. 

“Well I’m ready, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to do this.”

“It doesn’t count if you only want to because I want to!”

Upgrade ‘headache’ to ‘migraine’. 

“What does it matter?” He finally gritted out. “It’s just sex, I don’t care.”

Shion fixed him with a serious gaze, then in a moment he was pulling away and sitting up beside Nezumi. “It’s just sex.” He repeated to himself, quietly, as if pulling apart the words to get a better look at their inner workings. “To you, this is just sex.”

Shion didn’t sound offended, thank god, but the curiosity underlying his words was probably worse.

Nezumi rolled onto his side, facing away from Shion and feeling entirely exhausted with this whole conversation. “Don’t take that the way it sounds. All sex is ‘just sex’. That has nothing to do with your involvement.”

“So sex with me is no different from sex with other people?” Shion, again, doesn’t sound upset. Only curious and analytical. 

“Mechanically? No.”

“But it’s different in other ways?”

Nezumi shrugged, staring at an ant on the far wall. “I have nothing to gain from you that I don’t already have.” He put plainly. “With you, it’s just for the sake of doing it. You should be flattered.”

Shion hums like he’s just put something together in his head. “Are you asexual, Nezumi?”

“No.”

“Are you attracted to men?”

“Yes.”

“Are you attracted to me?”

“Clearly.”

“Do you not like sex?”

“...”

“Have you had any...” Shion paused and Nezumi got the feeling he wouldn’t like the next question. “Negative experiences?”

Nezumi opened his mouth to say no but his own thoughts betrayed him and he cut his words out in his throat before he says the wrong thing. He hasn’t. Not really. He wasn’t traumatized, he was never forced to do anything. But had he ever had a good experience? If it’s not good, then did that make it negative?

“No.” He stated, but he knew that his hesitation had sold out his doubt from the moment his words stuck in his throat.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Shion placed his hand on Nezumi’s arm. “But I’ll listen if you want to talk.”

“It’s not as dramatic as you’re thinking it is.” Nezumi sighs before he can stop himself.

Shion’s thumb rubs circles on his skin. It’s frustratingly soothing. “What do you think I’m thinking?”

“That I was probably taken advantage of, or someone hurt me, or some shit like that.” Nezumi continues to face the wall. It creates the illusion that he’s moved on, that he’s disconnected from the conversation somehow. It makes it easier to talk. “Which is bullshit.”

“I believe you,” Shion says earnestly. “But I still want to understand how you feel.”

I don’t even understand how I feel, Nezumi thinks before he can stop himself.

Nezumi was quiet. There was nothing he could say anymore. They stayed this way for a while and Nezumi closed his eyes and willed himself to stop thinking and just go to sleep. He was tired, but beside him, Shion was thinking so intensely Nezumi could swear heard it. He’d never been one for insecurities, but he feels small beside Shion at that moment. Shion wouldn’t fold on this, he rarely folded on anything, which means that he won't move forward until he’s convinced that Nezumi wants it. Gentlemanly enough in theory, but a sickeningly anxious part of Nezumi whispered to him that it would never happen. Nezumi couldn’t make him wait forever. It would be so much easier if Shion just didn’t care, but then he wouldn’t be Shion.

Nezumi kept his eyes pressed shut until Shion leaned over him to place a soft kiss on his cheek. It was a simple gesture, not particularly special, but Nezumi could feel the affection dripping from the touch. Nezumi sighed in resignation.

“I’m used to just blocking it out.” why he said it, he doesn’t know. 

“Blocking what out?’ Shion was gentle in tone, almost conversational. An attempt to comfort Nezumi’s nerves.

“Everything.” Nezumi omits vaguely. “When it comes to sex.”

Shion’s hand moved to draw patterns soothingly in the sunkissed skin of his upper arm. “Did that make it easier for you?”

It had. Nezumi often forgot the way things had been in the beginning. His first encounters with people many years his senior and the pooling dread that filled his stomach at every touch. At some point, he had been afraid of it all. He supposed that lost in the broken connections he formed between his body and mind there was probably still fear, a crawling anxiety in his gut that had taken association with sex.

“Probably. It’s a habit.”

“Have you never slept with someone you loved?”

Nezumi didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

“I love you Nezumi.”

“Yeah.”

“Sex isn’t meant to be something endured for someone else's sake. I don’t want it to be like that with us.”

“Mm-hm.”

“I won’t do anything unless you’re comfortable.”

“Are you still talking?”

“Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Not necessarily about sex- you just look tense. I’m sorry I made you talk about this stuff even though I knew you didn’t want to.”

Nezumi cracked. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and rolled over to drape an arm over Shion’s lap. “Whatever.”

Shion filed his fingers through Nezumi’s loose hair and some of the tension leaves his shoulders.

“Read to me.” It’s not a request. Nezumi doesn’t need to request it because he knows Shion will do it.

“I have a book on the bedside table but it isn’t one of your classics. Is that okay or should I go find another one?”

Nezumi turned his face into the side of Shion’s thigh to mask a smile. “I don’t care.”

“It’s based on Greek mythology though, so I think you’ll like it.”

“Mn-hm.”

Shion reaches for the book in a way that twists his spine uncomfortably just to minimize the disturbance to Nezumi where he lay.

“Just read wherever you’re up to. I don’t need the beginning.”

So Shion read in the same boring tone that he always reads in. Nezumi didn't care about the lack of theatrics in it. Instead, he let his body relax and observe each and every word that was formed by Shion's lips. The meaning of the words mattered less than the way Shion sculpts them from thin air with the tip of his tongue. 

Everything was normal. Shion had no spite or even disappointment. 

Tension uncoiled in Nezumi's chest. The relief that he shouldn't feel but does.

Everything was fine.


End file.
